The role of the birth partner - how can you support a woman in labour?

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Girls, this one is for your birth partner, whoever it may be. Get your phone out & WhatsApp the link to them, with 100s of laughing emojis so they don't get offended but hopefully take it all on board (if they do get offended, just block them). Bye husband!

It's sometimes difficult to know what to say to a woman in labour, as they're going through such an intense and sometimes scary experience, but 98% of the time, I can tell them to keep breathing & keep going and they respond well. However, their partner who is currently looking like a terrified puppy repeats what I've said and gets an 'I AM f*cking breathing!!!'

So, birth partners, this ones for you.
Whether you're the husband/boyfriend/wife/girlfriend/mum/sister/friend (I could go on & on), I'm going to do you a favour & help you out.
The chances are, you've both been to the hypnobirthing/antenatal classes together & you've both read up on what's going to happen & tried to anticipate how you will support your loving partner.

AND THEN...

Your sweet, calm partner turns into somebody you've never seen before, leaving you thinking 'Is this the real Becky*? Has my life been a lie?'. Yes, Becky is still the same woman. She is just in A LOT of pain. Her uterine muscles are shortening, causing it to contract and therefore squeezing the babies head right down onto her bowels, making her think she is about to sh*t herself every time she has one (probably about every other minute at this point). 

So, your main jobs will be this -

  1. Hold the gas & air mouth piece between contractions
  2. Listen to Becky shout 'WATER' every ten minutes & make sure the water is there within 0.2 seconds
  3. Offer your hand to be squeezed so hard you think one of the bones might have snapped
  4. Asking your Midwife 'are you sure this is normal?' (Yes, it is, this is labour).
  5. Trying not to faint.

Ha! On a more serious, educational note, being a birth partner is a huge honour and can be an incredible & emotional experience. We are here for you as well as your partner, to ensure you are both aware of what's happening & are making informed choices. Birth partners, there may be times when you need to speak up for your partner. Midwives are advocates for women, but so are you. Remember, you know your partner a lot better than we do & if you want us to re-explain something in a way that will be clearer for either of you, just ask! That is okay. You won't understand all of the medical terms we use, but you're not expected to. 
Also, if you do feel faint or uncomfortable, you can leave the room. You're not expected to stand by her side the whole time! Sit down, accept the NHS tea & custard creams & embrace the journey.

Understanding the physiology of labour & birth is essential in helping you to support your partner, particularly for the actual birth. Women's pelvis' actually have a bend in the birth canal, which is why it can actually take more than an hour of pushing for baby to arrive. Baby will rock backwards & forwards A LOT around the bend before their head crowns (see my previous post here about crowning) & delivers. I often joke with women that God was obviously a man, because only a man would put a bend in our pelvis. 

Your babies head also needs to rotate - the best position for babies head to be in is looking down towards the floor as they come out. If baby is actually looking upwards, this means they are back to back & labour can be slightly longer, contractions can 'couple' one after the other and a lot of pain can be felt in the woman's back, with a lot of pressure in their bottom (I know, not only do we have a bend in the pelvis, babies can also be in a funny position to make it harder!)

Team work is definitely needed for all of this! When I look after a woman in labour, I always make sure that she & her partner know that the three of us are a team, working together & will get through it together. I hope your midwife does too 💛

My little golden tip for you -

Becky may have said that she absolutely did not want an epidural pre-labour, but now that she is screaming for one - don't remind her that it's not in her birth plan. You cannot plan for something that is so unpredictable, and she might just snap a second bone.

Han Xx


* To all the Becky's out there, you've got this xx






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